Ork Myths Part 2 - Orks are stupid

Everyone knows that Orks are stupid.

But are they?

1. Propaganda = true?

We have to make a distinction between the two types of background text; what I call opinion text and narrative text. Opinion text is anything that's written from the perspective of a character in the 40k universe. The ever famous and misunderstood "psychic resonance" piece is definitely an opinion piece. It's written by a character in the universe and is slanted towards that characters views. Narrative text is the neutral third person descriptions of the races or events that take place in the 40k universe. The majority of the background in the current Ork codex is narrative.

Opinion pieces often refer to Orks as being stupid and they're often written from the view of the Imperium, who hate all xenos. Of course they're going to be derogatory to their enemies, the same as all propaganda has done throughout history.

Narrative text on the left, opinion text on the right

The narrative text in the current Ork codex makes no mention of Orks being stupid. If Orks were truly stupid then the narrative text would definitely call it out and make a point of it. It's true that it refers to things which could be construed as being stupid, but it does not make any specific reference to Orks being stupid. Example:

"When an Ork speaks, it is in a slow, gruff tone thick with saliva and guttural curses. His words are sparse, brutal and straight to the point." - Ork codex, page 4.

No mention of stupidity. Being straight to the point is not stupid, nor is speaking in a slow and gruff tone. You may (and I probably would too) make the assumption that someone speaking in that way is stupid, but it is no proof positive of a low IQ. It's also understandable that Orks might not have the best grasp on Imperial Gothic (they really don't care to spend the time needed to learn another language) so they're just speaking with the few words that they know.

There are lots of places in the narrative text where it could have mentioned being stupid, but it doesn't. Another example:

"Ugly and violent creatures, Orks are the dominant caste of a race that includes the smaller Gretchin and Snotling sub-races. The Orks rule their barbaric civilisation with an iron fist." - Ork codex, page 4. 

If Orks were stupid then surely that would be as good a place as any to mention it?

2. One Ork = all Orks?

There are lots of examples of an Ork doing something that we would count as stupid. Just because one Ork does something that's stupid doesn't mean that all Orks are stupid. For every story of an Ork not understanding a basic concept is a story of a human being doing the same.

Hell, the most popular news website in the world is the Daily Mail. That does not bode well for humanities intelligence.

Ladies and gentlemen, the most popular newspaper website in the world.

Collectively, Orks are always underestimated. Every Ork invasion story involves Imperial commanders believing the Orks to be tactically stupid and then being taken by complete surprise. Gazghuls invasions of Armageddon show fantastic tactical ability and massive underestimation by the Imperial commanders. Only Yarrick held back the tide because he understood the Orks and knew how cunning they could be.

In Imperial Armour 8, the Imperials faith in their propaganda meant that they underestimated the Orks ability to respond to their attacks. Their absolute belief that Orks were stupid and could easily be dispatched proved to be their own undoing as the Orks responded in full force to the attacks.

3. Straight to the point

Orks have a different way of thinking than we do. It's one of the things that I like about them. They are straight to the point and don't mess about. If there are two ways of doing things then the Orks will take the easiest every time.

In the modern world, if we want to redesign a tank so it goes faster then we spend years refining it. It will involve lots of design work, testing and implementation before the task is finished. Orks would just stick a bigger engine on the tank and call it a day, even if it had bad consequences like being more prone to breaking down or axles snapping from the stress.

To take an urban legend as an example, traditional pens don't work in space and NASA supposedly spent $12bn dollars and a decade developing a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a pencil. The story isn't really true (it was a private company which made the pen and it was millions spent, not billions) but it illustrates Orky thinking perfectly. Orks just don't see the point of investing that much time and effort into perfecting something. They'll always take the easiest possible route even if it's not a perfect (or even a great) solution.

The Fisher Space Men. Was it worth the time and effort spent on development?

Whenever you read anything where Orks do something that we would think of as stupid, look at it from the point of view that they're just lazy and doing the easiest job they can. Laziness does not equal stupidity, and the elegance of lazy solutions is often ingenious.

4. They don't understand their own technology.

This is such a huge misconception that I'm devoting another article to it. However, let's assume for now that it's true (it's not). The Imperium also doesn't understand its technology. They perform a holy ritual involving rubbing scented oils into their guns to keep them working. They don't understand that it's cleaning the weapon that keeps them working, not the ritual. They have barely any technological advancement and rely on finding ancient forgotten technologies in order to move forward.

If Orks are stupid because they don't understand their technology (they do) then mankind is too.

Ork Battlewagon with Supakannon

5. They don't care about dying

Orks live for one thing: fun. It just so happens that their idea of fun is fighting and so they're not really afraid of dying like other races (famously saying that if they're dead then it doesn't count as defeat because they don't care). Orks are basically huge adrenaline junkies without a fear of death. When you take that into account then a lot of what they do (riding in death traps, firing huge weapons that have just as much as a chance of killing themselves) starts to make sense. It's not stupid to ignore something you don't care about in order to have fun.

We might think Orks are stupid because they strap a huge rocket onto their back and go kareening off towards the enemy at full throttle, sometimes exploding mid-air. A human being wouldn't do that because of their fear of dying. Orks have no such fear and only want to show off and brawl. The rocket pack makes sense when you look at it from their point of view.

Hell, the Ork word for "best friend" is also the same as "best enemy". That's the sort of race we're dealing with.

6. Problem solving

Orks are good at problem solving. Like really good. Their ability to turn scrap metal into working objects is unrivalled and shows an innate understanding of technology.

No other race in the universe can land in a scrapyard and start churning out working machines built out of what's available. Imperial Engineers have no ability to think outside the box and so unless there just happens to be enough STC parts around to put together an STC approved vehicle then it's not going to happen. Eldar won't be able to turn it into high art. The only ones who'd almost be able to turn it into something would be Tau, but even then it's unlikely and they wouldn't be comfortable doing so.

Orks would relish the opportunity and would start churning out multiple vehicles and weapons within days. They can take anything that's broken and fix it, and upgrade their own equipment very quickly using scrap they come across. In Gorkamorka, the Meks were rebuilding an Ork spaceship using burnt out scrap metal found in the desert from when their original ship exploded in orbit. Even with our modern mechanical engineering I think we'd struggle to make an airplane using the scrap from a crash.

No other teams would stand a chance against Orks on this show.

Their ability to not only use scrap metal to build vehicles but also to loot enemies vehicles shows that they're not just good at building their own technology. They're also experts at dissecting alien (to them) technology and fixing it.

Their ability to work with technology is absolutely unrivalled in the 40k universe. They may not have the most efficient technology, and it'll often fall apart very quickly after use, but they are extremely intelligent and resourceful when it comes to building things.

Conclusion

It is absolutely true that Imperial propaganda often refers to Orks as being stupid. It's also true that Orks do a lot of things that we would call stupid. Neither of these facts make Orks stupid.

They have a completely different way of thinking to human beings. Their laziness mixed with complete apathy towards death means that they do a lot of things that we would think suicidal. If you look at their actions with the mindset of not caring about dying or being maimed and trying to do the easiest possible thing then their actions start to make complete sense.

Their technological abilities show them to be extremely resourceful and intelligent. Their knowledge of powerfields is often said to be greater than that of even the Eldar so by itself this shows them to be intelligent. The idea that they don't understand their own technology is wrong, as I'll explain in detail in the next article, and cheapens their intelligence and cunning.

Ork invasion stories, when written by a competent author, show that they are always underestimated and that's often the reason why they win. Armageddon shows brilliant tactical and strategic thinking on Gazghuls part where he uses his different technologies together to form a coherent and deadly battle plan. Only Commissar Yarrick, who didn't underestimate Gazghul was able to put a halt to the Orks' relentless attack.

In summary, Orks are not stupid.

Ork Myths Part 1 - On Psychic Resonance

My favourite army in the 40k universe is, without a doubt, the Orks. Their style, depth and dark humour absolutely appeals to me, so it is extremely frustrating when incorrect memes are thrown about. The problem with these memes floating around is that they belittle the Orks. They reduce a complex warrior race with amazing technological abilities into green fungus clowns. I intend to tackle each of the false beliefs generally held by 40k players about my beloved greenskins.

The three memes that I want to tackle are:

• Ork technology only works because they believe it does.
• Orks are stupid.
• Ork Meks don't know how their technology works.

So, onto Part 1:

Ork technology only works because they believe it does - FALSE

"For instance, it is widely believed in Ork society that machines painted in a red colour operate faster. As disturbing as it sounds, 'facts' such as this become true. Many captured Ork weapons and items of equipment do not work unless wielded by an Ork. I theorise that many Ork inventions work because the Orks themselves think they should work - the strong telekinetic abilities of the Ork subconcious somehow ensure they function as desired." - Imperial Scientist, Ork Codex page 10

This is the specific quote that's often banded around to support the claim that Ork technology only works because they believe it does. Taken at face value it certainly does support the claim. However, as with a lot of the older 40k fluff it has some nuances which people often miss.

1. Who wrote it?

Firstly, let's look at who wrote it. An imperial "scientist". This is the same Imperium that believes technology is a religion. Whose idea of scientific advancement is finding a 10,000 year old factory that builds forgotten technologies and still works. Who have absolutely no idea how most of their technology works (it's quite hypocritical that this accusation is thrown at Orks). Who believe that you need smoke, incantations, chanting and prayer to start a machine before pressing the button marked "On". Who believe that research and scientific advancement equals heresy.

Can an imperial "scientist" (using that word very loosely) really be trusted to dissect and understand alien technology?

I view the Imperium's attitudes towards technology as being similar to the European Dark Ages; shrouded in religion and heresy to question anything which has been determined to work because of God. If any technology was discovered in the Dark Ages then the "scientists" would deduce that it worked because of magic and God. They couldn't comprehend any other explanation. The Imperium is exactly the same and believes that a lot of their technology works because of the Machine God. Just because the Imperium concludes that technology works because of psychic abilities doesn't make it true, any more than Dark Age scientists concluding that technology works because of magic.

The statement about red machines operating faster certainly can't be trusted. An Imperial scientist wouldn't know enough about technology to state categorically that one machine is identical to another in everything except a paint job.

He even states that his conclusion is a theory, but a theory is a long way from absolute fact. It is a potential explanation for what he's observed but just because it's a potential explanation does not make it truth.

2. "Many captured Ork weapons and items of equipment" - not all.

The scientist states that many Ork items don't work unless used by Orks. He doesn't say all Ork equipment. The fact that he says that it's "many" instead of all means straight away that the meme is wrong since at least some equipment does work regardless of Ork belief. The scientist doesn't say how much does and doesn't work.

It is absolutely plausible, even likely, that some equipment such as the Kustom Force Field and the Shokk Attack Gun rely on psychic abilities. That doesn't make that psychic ability based on belief or that the technology is "broken" without the Orks psychic abilities in the same way that a Space Marine Librarian's Force Staff is not "broken" without a psychic user. 

The KFF is not a shield bubble since it only affects friendly Orks (although the wording in the codex is ambiguous, the FAQ states that it doesn't affect enemy models) and you can't negate the KFF by stepping inside its range. If it was a bubble, like Gungans' shields seen in Star Wars Episode 1, then as soon as a model stepped within 6" of the Mek carrying the KFF then the KFF would lose its effect. Since it only affects friendly Orks and not enemy Orks then this indicates that there is some element of control to it rather than it just applying blindly to all Orks. Since the Mek probably isn't busy targeting the KFF in some way then it is certainly likely that it is psychically controlled, subconsciously or not. 

The Ork KFF only affects specific Orks. Screenshot from Dawn of War.

The Shokk Attack Gun fires snotlings through the Warp at a target. The Warp and psychic abilities are intrinsically linked so again it certainly stands to reason that it could rely on psychic abilities. A Warboss could even make a Mek put a lock on his favourite shoota so that only the Warboss could fire it. Since Orks seem to have no problem developing technologies that rely on psychic abilities, the Mek might find it easier to make the shoota psychically linked to the Warboss than any other method, such as DNA and blood samples.

There are plenty of other potentially psychic based Ork weapons and equipment. Since those pieces of equipment are probably what most interest Imperial scientists then they could be concentrating their research on them. A basic shoota wouldn't be of much interest to a scientist but it's also not likely to be psychically linked. The Imperials research would be skewed in favour of technologies that are likely to be psychically linked so they would think that psychically linked technology is more widespread than it actually is.

Either way, the fact that some Ork technology likely relies on psychic ability (whether concious abilities or not) does not mean that all Ork technology relies on it. It does not mean that it's broken without an Ork any more than a mobile phone is not broken without a battery.

3. Correlation does not equal cause

"Orks believe that a vehicle that has been painted red can outstrip a similar vehicle that isn't. As odd as it may seem, they are quite right." - Ork codex, page 93

The above quote is also often banded around. It says "they are quite right". It doesn't say because. If someone is an idiot and takes homeopathic medicine for a condition then if they get better it doesn't mean that homeopathic medicine works (hint: it doesn't).

It's a common anecdote that red cars get into more accidents. It's not true according to studies, but let's just assume it is for the sake of argument. If red cars have more accidents does that mean that the colour red is the reason for the crashes? No. Red cars could appeal more to careless drivers. Maybe red is a really popular sports car colour, and it is the sports cars that are likely to crash more. Henry Ford is quoted to have said "You can have any colour as long as it's black". What if Ford cars only came in black and Ford cars were safer than other manufacturers? The lack of accidents from Ford cars would skew crash statistics.

Secondly, even if two vehicles looked identical in everything except paint job but the red one was faster, it doesn't mean that the red paint job is the reason that it's faster. One could use a more efficient oil, have less rust (certainly a problem on Ork vehicles) or have any number of fairly invisible reasons that it's faster.

Thirdly, if Orks believe that red vehicles go faster then subconsciously the Meks are likely to make the red vehicles go faster. If an Ork brings in his favourite motorbike to be painted red then the Mek could very well do a quick oil change at the same time.

Fourthly, how on earth do you determine that two Ork vehicles are identical in all but paint job? One of the main points of Ork engineering is that no two vehicles are identical. You can't test two different Ork vehicles and conclude that the paint is the only thing different, much less trust an Imperial scientist who draws that conclusion.

4. Direct Evidence to the contrary

There's plenty of evidence in 1st and 2nd edition fluff pieces which shows that other races can use Ork technology, but it's perhaps a bit unfair to use them as direct evidence to the contrary since a lot of the older fluff has been overwritten. Hell, anything that a certain codex author touches get butchered to hell and gone.

The most recent evidence to the contrary that I know of is from Gorkamorka; Diggas.

Gorkamorka Digga trukk

For anyone who doesn't know, Gorkamorka was a skirmish game that Games Workshop produced which pitted Orks against Orks on a desert planet. An expansion added a rebel grot faction, mutant raiders and diggas - humans. It was the foundation of the modern style of the Orks and is absolutely relevant when looking at modern day Ork fluff.

In the game, the humans had regressed and now revered Orks, striving to be as Orky as possible. Having no engineering or manufacturing skills, they would buy their weapons, vehicles and equipment from the Orks. And the weapons worked. If Ork equipment didn't work in the hands of a human then it shouldn't have worked for the Diggas.

On a sidenote, Gorkamorka is a fantastic game and you can still download the rulebooks for free from the GW website here and here.

Edit: I've been reminded by a few people that Armageddon Ork Hunters are a more recent example of Ork tech working for humans. Also Yarricks Power Klaw.

5. Where did the belief come from?

Belief comes from observation. If Ork technology truly never worked then where did their belief in it come from? An Ork has to have seen a shoota working or for a trukk to move in order to believe that it does, or have been told about it by an Ork who did see it. Therefore at least some of the Ork tech works fine.

To take it to a subject that wargamers might understand: stereotypes. Ask a non-wargamer what they think of people who play Warhammer and they will give a common stereotype; smelly, fat, unwashed, bad social grace, no deodrant, ponytails. We know that this stereotype exists but it is not representative of all wargamers. Far from it. The majority of wargamers are "normal" people who just happen to have a nerdy hobby.

If Ork tech only works because of belief then every wargamer looks like this.

Similarly, it's unfair to treat all Ork tech as "only working because Orks believe it to". It might be true that some stuff works just because of the Orks latent psychic abilities, but it doesn't apply to all Ork tech. Dismissing someone immediately because they're a wargamer and stereotyped to be a horrific individual is not fair and it is insulting to that person.

My Conclusion

I think it's unfair to say that the ambiguity of the fluff seems lost on most 40k players since most people are just repeating what they've been told. It's certainly been lost on a lot of players who've read the original text and taken it at face value. I'm sure if we're aWarded with a new Ork Codex then a certain blundering oaf will make this incorrect meme front and centre of his appalling writing. For the time being though, it is not canon that Ork technology only works because they believe it to. It's wrong and it reduces the style and character of Orks.

Edit: I should also say that I don't necessarily have a problem with the idea that Orks' latent psychic ability causes weapons not to jam as often as they'd like, or make things operate faster/smoother than they should (despite dedicating a section here to the red paint factor). That's fine, but unsubstantiated in the fluff as far as I'm aware. My problem is with Ork technology being flat out broken and not working, or a slugga being a box full of metal shrapnel but still firing bullets. It cheapens the Orks abilities to say that their stuff doesn't work.

Mini-myth: Pronunciation

Waaagh. How do you pronounce it? A lot of players seem to pronounce it with a high A to rhyme with a guitar's "Wah" pedal, or the word bar.

Waaagh is the Ork word for war. It's the same word but with different spelling to simulate the guttural pronunciations of Ork speak. The sound of the A doesn't change because the spelling has changed. Pronouncing it to rhyme with bar makes an Ork sound less like a gorilla and more like a chimp.

It rhymes with war. It was originally spelt "Waaargh" back in Rogue Trader but the R got dropped somewhere around 2nd edition, presumably because of redundancy.

Gazghull didn't launch the Armageddon Wah, he launched the Armageddon War. My blogs title isn't Diary of a wah gamer, it's Diary of a war gamer